I haven’t written anything in quite a while, but maybe that means that I am finally living life like I should have been for the past six months. Or maybe it just means that I’m living a life of responsibility and schedules where time for myself and my 21st birthday has to be penciled in or happen during spontaneous moments of free time.
With the arrival of my new charges, a group of eight high school students, my recent boat trip to Capri, and my approaching 21st birthday, I’m forced to realize one harsh truth: My time abroad is coming to an end. Six months of studying, traveling, and soul-searching are almost over, and it’s probably the most bittersweet moment I will experience for a long time.
I have learned so much about myself in these past months in a country that I am positive I will come back to, because my career and personal life need to be here. I have experienced so much that I know I couldn’t do at home, wouldn’t do at home. I have kissed boys in dark stair corners that resulted in ant bites in uncomfortable places. I have jumped fences and gates that left me both laughing and covered in bruises.
And the more I think about my return ticket, the more I want to rip it up and become dust in the wind. But what kind of life would that be?
I do miss my family and the friends that I have maintained contact with since leaving, but what about the life I have made for myself here? The nook I find myself fitting into?
I am not the same girl who left for an innocent study abroad trip back in January. I don’t even know where I will belong when I go home. I was not prepared for the pre-departure emotions that I am feeling two and a half weeks before going home.
How will I feel when I get back home and don’t know when I’ll be back to Italy? So much of who I am now is owed to the friends and family I have made in this place.
I don’t want her to leave when I do.