I am heartbroken, not broken. I am sad, but I am still a full-functioning, strong woman. My tears do not equate to brokenness. What I lost was an attachment, something extra. I did not lose myself. He contributed to my happiness. He did not constitute it. There lies the difference.
I lost someone that I saw as a best friend just as much as a lover. And while I would love nothing more than to have him back in my life for good, he is not the only thing that can contribute to my future happiness. I have a loving family, friends, and a new-found confidence to keep me warm at night. I have realized that there will never be a shortage of people who make me happy (even though it is a bit difficult being so far from everyone).
But despite my strength, some moments are harder than others. Part of my world keeps turning upside-down as I learn that he’s not exactly the guy I dated. He’s gradually becoming the person he promised he wasn’t. He’s contradicting everything we based our “relationship” on, but I will not let that define who I am from this point on.
Although I am a strong woman who finds herself crying, that does not mean I should be treated as if I am a fragile bird. I refuse to let myself feel so much for someone so quickly ever again (or anytime soon), but that will not stop me from trying to connect with others. The worst thing someone can do is allow the past influence how they react to things in the future.
I could become a bitter woman, hating men, using men like they have used me in the past, but that is not who I am. I am a loving person who only wishes to find someone to share her happiness with (eventually). Yes, I am heartbroken, but I am not allowing that to break the rest of me. People that let a broken heart break them stilt themselves. They allow the person who left them win instead of taking the opportunity to grow from it.
I am not saying that I am as happy as I was before him. I’m not sure if I can ever be that girl again, but I do know that I will be happy again. And I also know that it is my right to do everything I can to ensure that future for myself.
Because I am resilient, not broken.